i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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