Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
