I seem to have left my pride at pride
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
