I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
