Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
