It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
