i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
