It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
