so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
