Your dad touched me again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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