If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
