do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
