tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
