we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
