I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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