Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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