Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You can't motorboat a personality
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
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Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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