It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize