You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
