help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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