Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
