just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
