plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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