Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
