how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
