I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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