My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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