I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
