all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
