why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
