The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
