They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
