Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
