i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
