Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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