Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
