I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
