If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
