i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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