Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
