i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
