I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
