The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
