So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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