so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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