I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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