True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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