he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
