Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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