I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize