youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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