You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
