Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree