I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.