he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like