The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother