Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.