it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.