Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
