Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.