i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart