I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.