Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.