Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway