Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.