your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.