like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center