this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?