We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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