Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.