I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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