Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.