That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
