was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
