I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
