he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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