No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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