Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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