I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
