Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
