And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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