I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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