I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
