I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
