if i can run in heels then i can drive
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
