I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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